First Blog

Why Re-Dan-Imation?

Well, let's just say I have tried this before.  I have succeeded and failed again and again.  But, this time I am making a change.  The time is now.  I currently weigh 294.4 lbs.  I am a big dude.  I am a chunky monkey.  I am a fluffy fella.  I am also a loving husband, a son, a brother, a friend, an educator, a community member, and probably many more things I haven't yet thought of.  Today is the beginning of a new Dan.  Today is the beginning of a guy that thrives in life.  Today is the day I change the way I look to the world.  Today I begin reanimating myself live and in color. 

To put it mildly, I have had a few struggles in my life.  These are not excuses, but they definitely don't help with the mental psyche.  I grew up overweight.  I wore husky jeans and LA Gears (do those even exist anymore).  I was bullied in middle school, but I am not sure my parents ever really knew about it.  I distinctly remember forgetting to wear green one St. Patrick's Day and being cornered by a few students pinching me while I huddled in the corner to protect myself.  I remember hating to change clothes in gym and then ending up getting a stray towel whip to the corner of my eye (lucky I didn't turn around any faster).  I remember that I was sad to move in 8th grade because there were a few people that appreciated my help in math class and I thought they appreciated me for other reasons.  When I moved to that small school, I got a little attention because (at my own demise) I chose to wear gym shorts and t-shirts to school.  However, I again showed a little panache for learning and found a group of friends almost right away.  I found that the musical organizations I was a part of brought out the best parts of me and those people didn't care about the weight.  I finally found myself.  Fast Forward a few years and I have a girlfriend, the respect of my peers, and I am heading to college.  I'm on top of the world.

Well, I was on top of the world, until I realized I knew absolutely nothing about music theory or composing, and although I was a fairly good musician at my small school, I couldn't come close to competing with the people at an 18,000 student university.  I enjoyed my time in Marching band at BSU my freshman year.  I loved playing at the football games.  I still remember facing foliage (north) and pool (south) during summer and fall practice.  But, I don't even own my trumpet anymore.  I sold it to my middle brother.  The one I taught to read music and who now actually is a music educator.  Skip a year and I am on Spring Break.  I drive up to visit the girlfriend at her school with flowers and a t-shirt from my parents.  I sit in my car for 4 hours waiting on her to get out of softball practice only to find out she is taking another friend to Chicago and hadn't told me because she was afraid I would tell her mom.  After a 20 minute screaming/ crying match in the parking lot, I am now heading back to school, lost and alone.  This was the last time I "succeeded."  I figured nobody was going to find me attractive enough in college so I started hitting the treadmill and lost what I remember to be about 20 pounds.  Probably not enough to make a noticeable difference to anyone around me, but I felt better.  I rode my bike around campus a lot, but I was pretty much a loner.  I quit marching after the previous year, I didn't really have any actual friends from my classes.  I was trying to make it on my own.

My junior year I met a group of friends that I still talk to and hang around with.  However, somehow I still find myself the butt of most of the jokes.  Maybe I make myself an easy target.  But, behind the jokes, the friends truly do care and I am thankful for them.  I do my fair share of joking in their direction too.  I am back on the horse and riding my way toward graduation.  By the way, I ended up switching my major to elementary education and I am glad I did.  My group of friends and I had our fair share of late nights, vacations, libations, and many other things that kept us together, including all working in the same liquor store.  After graduation I found a job roughly an hour away.  I tried living in the same college town for a while and the money didn't work out right.  I moved back in with my parents for 6 months and the drive was even farther.  So, I moved out on my own about 15 minutes from my school and got busy living the bachelor life.  I enjoyed my apartment, got a dog, found an extra job to afford a new car.  Gave the dog to a friend at the second job because I now wasn't home enough to keep the dog from chewing up everything.  And at about this point I met my future spouse at school.  We dated for about a year, got engaged, married, and moved into a house of our own just 7 tenths of a mile from the front door of school (even thought I always said I wouldn't live in the same town where I taught...LOL).  Life was great.

Little did I know that asking my wife to wait a year before we started trying to have children would bring such hardship.  After trying for a year, we began talking to fertility doctors.  Long story short, we have spent roughly 4 years and enough money to buy at least one fancy new car if not more.  The results have been 3 miscarriages (one at 17 weeks) and enough stress and heartache to bring a lineman down to his knees.  We haven't given up and will not give up hope.  During the time we were trying to have children, my dad had done incredible work on his weight.  He lost roughly 80 pounds and was looking the healthiest I had ever seen him.  He had cut down on smoking picked up on walking and was much happier and talkative.  He even surprised us with a family vacation to Myrtle Beach over spring break one year.  I couldn't have been happier for him!

My birthday, June 1 2013, I had decided I was going to make a change for the better myself.  I had asked my parents for a Garmin Forerunner 10 watch for my birthday to monitor my runs and bike rides during the summer.  We went to Don Pablo's for my birthday dinner and I received the watch I had asked for.  Needless to say I was excited.  We spent the remainder of dinner talking about our upcoming initial try with IVF.  We discussed the shots, the procedure, the waiting game.  My dad said it sounded scary and mom seemed a little nervous, but we were simply excited to get it started in the hopes of starting a family.  Instead, just 6 days later, and 2 days before my parents anniversary, my family shrank by 1 after my dad decided to take his own life.  The last conversation we ever had was on my 31st birthday.  Much too soon to lose a father who you were so proud of.  It turns out that struggling with money drove him to the point of no return.  There were no warning signs to speak of.  There was nothing but a family lost for hope at a time when it seemed we needed it most.

Family streamed in from Missouri to support my mom and I was able to stay with her for just over a week.  We laid my father to rest by burying his ashes under a tree in the courtyard at Abe Martin Lodge in Brown County State Park.  If you are ever there, stop by and say hello to him.  I had used my Forerunner watch a grand total of 1 time after I got it, but after his death it was a painful thing to look at, let alone use.  I honestly don't think I even touched it again for a few months.

As you may be able to tell, my past few years have been riddled with uncertainty, pain, and stress.  You may understand why I have not been on the health wagon.  I don't know if I am scared to turn into my father or not, but what he did has certainly changed my life.  I have already begun fixing my issues with money.  Now, I am on my way to fixing my battles with my weight.  I will beat this.  I will succeed.  I will prevail.  I will maintain.  I will Re-Dan-imate myself.

Follow along through this journey.  Or stop by every once in a while.  If you have made it this far through this post, you have made it far enough to show you care.  Thanks for reading.

Dan